Pesky blood-sucker…
Outsiders have an idiom of their own. What follows is a glossary of outsiderish words you will encounter—some invented, some inherited, all mildly unhinged. This lexicon is not exhaustive, nor entirely reliable. It is maintained by our resident archivist Smith and updated at his pleasure. Proceed with caution, curiosity, and a beverage of your choosing:
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Aquarium: The Aquarium is a co-working space where Meursault rents a cubicle. Read more about the Aquarium and its residents here.
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Departments at the Outsider: These are internal bureaux responsible for debating commas, footnotes, and the metaphysical implications of semicolons created for each article, and dissolved immediately after publication. Their motto: “We disagree, therefore we are.”
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Grey Areas: A beverage consumed during editorial meetings to lubricate the imagination and blur the boundaries between satire and sincerity. Learn how to make a Grey Area.
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Paradox: The collective noun for a group of outsiders is “paradox”. Hence, the “resident paradox”. This is the story of how the word was coined.
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Snortworthy: A unit of humor. One snortworthy = one involuntary nasal exhalation. Articles are rated on a scale from “mild chuckle” to “tea-through-nose incident.”
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Utterly Random™ Absurdities: The house style. A genre, a mood, a way of life. Often mistaken for nonsense, but legally classified as “satirical commentary with intent to bewilder.”
F.A.Q
Q: Is this website serious?
A: As serious as a squirrel in a tuxedo. Which is to say, not very. We’re here for laughs, giggles, and the occasional snortworthy gag. Utterly Random™ Absurdities are the in-house speciality.
Q: Who writes the content for this site?
A: One of our writers is a sentient cauliflower. Another is the ghost of a dead philosopher who lives inside our neighbour’s fax machine. See this page to learn about all members of the resident paradox.
Q: Can I contribute?
A: We’re not accepting any submissions at the moment. Do check in later.
Q: How do you come up with your ideas?
A: We have a top-secret brainstorming process involving rubber duckies, fax machines, and a significant amount of daydreaming while drinking Grey Areas.
Q: What if I get offended by something on your site?
A: Are you planning to get offended or are your actually offended? Take a deep breath, have a cup of tea, and send us a strongly worded letter.
Q: Will this website make me smarter?
A: Smarter? Most definitely not. But it might make you laugh, and that’s a kind of intelligence in itself.
Q: Is this satire or reality?
A: Yes.
Q: What’s the best way to read this site?
A: With one eyebrow raised and a tumbler of Grey Areas in hand. Skim, scroll, or consult the Archive if you’re feeling dusty.
Q: Why does everything sound MADly bureaucratic?
A: Because we believe bureaucracy is the highest form of poetry. Also, it’s funnier that way.
Q: What’s the difference between a Letter and an Article?
A: A Letter is addressed to someone; An Article is addressed to everyone. An is an Article too, by the way. As is the article “the”. All are addressed with mild confusion.